Kiss
Puke
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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