i just wanna soil my oats bro
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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