Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
