WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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