I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
