They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
