Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Panties = found
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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