last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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