I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
