So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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