i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am available for nakedness
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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