pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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