Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Found the puke drawer
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
