i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
