Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
