dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you traded sex for a burrito?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
