he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
