Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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