we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
