Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Terrible idea I love it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
