If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
