Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
