My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
