Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
