2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
