He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
