none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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