Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
