Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Congratulations! We have a period
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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