four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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