Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
