Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
