YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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