she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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