So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
