I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
