I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
