wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
