she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
