tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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