fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
