Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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