i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
