Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
