Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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