she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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