but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
