apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
