She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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