I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
