i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
